Tensions and stress…arguments to perpetual nagging from elders…you get everything if you are of a marriageable age and not married. Tough questions like – Are you waiting for mesmerizing Gerard (Read: Gerard Butler) or angelic Kim (Read: Kim Kardashian)? Guess you have some magic wand with age defying miracles? So you believe in celibacy? Are you normal or there is recent radical transition in your interests towards a gender? From emotional melodrama to ground realities, you go through everything almost every day. Then comes turn of suggestions, why don’t you find someone nice and fall in love, I can help you meet someone really good, I know of a nice girl in my relation, he is our family friend’s son…and the list goes on. As human beings we all want a relationship but paranoid of the fact that I may end up being with the wrong partner.
We all want to fall in love and get blessed with a blissful life with our partner but have lot of apprehensions about this love relationship. A Relationship that will make us feel that we are loved to the core. I believe every relationship has a cycle...In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You understand, know, become friends and get mushy with. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "He swept me of my feet" or “She drives me wild and crazy”. Now, picture this expression, it implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then somebody pulled the ground below your feet or I am a disguised lunatic when she is around (PUN intended). If you have ever fallen in love you would agree that falling in love is spontaneous. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades away. It's a natural cycle of every relationship. Gradually sweet cute ever elating whispers of your spouse would intensify into endless yap, driving you nuts. Most certainly, I would agree that there is a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much subtle or even intolerable subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start introspecting, "Am I with the right mate?"
And as you reflect on the fairy tale of love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. But the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could and TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few months/years later, because the key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. Like falling in love, sustaining and building love is not a spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It squeezes of your time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. It is a compound total of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy which can only be felt and not tangibly expressed. Love is NOT a mystery. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know and apply these laws, the results are predictable. Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
Almighty determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO!!
Yes, I am on a qui vive now !!!
Showing posts with label Soulmate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Soulmate. Show all posts
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, November 30, 2009
Robots are from Mars and Dolls are from Venus
Undoubtedly, I strongly believe Robots are from Mars and Dolls are from Venus.
On popular request of some of my follower friends I thought of taking plunge on this ironically sensitive topic. Needless to say I have greatly admired the studies of John Gray's series Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus but I have a different perspective --- I think both are from planet earth the only way they could ideally be separated is by saying that Robots are from Mars and Dolls are from Venus (read : when the men are on their ulterior self and women on their beautiful self or vice versa)
People have behavioral patterns. Those patterns are unique for each of us. I agree that some patterns too intense and could be a reason to behave in a particular way but trust me most of human beings would behave in the same way, in a given situation irrespective of their gender. Men and women both get profoundly disturbed by rejection, disapproval, or feeling alone and abandoned. ‘Women are more caring’ -- does that mean that men aren't caring? That's offensive to me. Guys can have a need to share their feelings as much as women have an occasional need to hide in their cocoon. Although men and women value love equally and place the same emphasis and importance on finding and sustaining a close union, there is generally a difference in the way they relate to intimacy.
The intriguing clash between men and women is always present. Men continue to dance between the desire for autonomy and the desire for intimacy. Women continue to seek affirmations of intimacy. A woman's bonding zone, the position where she feels comfortable and fulfilled, is very close to 100% attached. Men alternate between a wish for attachment and a wish for separateness. They feel most comfortable and willing to bond in the middle; they want to be between separated and attached. When men reach a state of attachment, they experience anxieties about engulfment and weakness. Conversely, when they move too far in the direction of separateness, they begin to feel subtle but nagging fears about abandonment, isolation, and aloneness. "When you compare this with women's ideal zone for bonding, it becomes clear that there is a built-in clash between what women want and what men want."
"We may mistakenly believe that differences exist only during the early stages of love and that with sufficient caring, trust, and time we eventually will become one with our lover and will experience no more conflict." It won't happen. So the bad news is that "Love with a capital L" will not magically alter. However, "Love" doesn’t simply materialize. It gets its own contours by all life's experiences. So the good news is that if "Love" is learned, it can be changed. It is possible to understand the differences between men and women and then learn to deal with them. Men need recreation in order to relax. Women need loyalty in order to feel secure. Both need their own interests but they also need interests that overlap. They need playtime together. Both need their own space and privacy but they also need to come together and support each other. He needs a lot of recreational time together. She needs the support and loyalty that makes her feel secure.
When a woman usually goes her way while a man usually goes his way, the "ways" often part. When he does not support her, she may look for security elsewhere. When she doesn't act as a recreational companion, he may look for a playmate elsewhere.
But if books advocating the notion of gender differences are so not believable then why do they sell like hot pan cakes? "People like to hold on to their conventional thought process because they make life efficient. "If you can look at a man or woman and not have to understand them or decide anything about them, but instead just apply a kind of shorthand to them, then it makes life easier for you." I think it is less to do with gender and more to do with your personality. It's a great thing to realize that everyone doesn't think like you, but that it's not because they're a man or a woman, it's because they're human.
Understanding the opposite gender means understanding that gender differences, intimacy factor, attached and separate, gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. Both genders are important to nurture life in this universe and hence my reasoning in favor of both Robots and Dolls.
Why it is great to be a man!
· A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
· You can open all your own jars
· When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
· People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
· You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go
· Your last name stays put
· You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
· You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
· If you're 34 and single, no one notices
· Chocolate is just another snack
· You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
· You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
· You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes
Why it is great to be a woman!
· A simple "smile" may add divine value to guy’s stupid one-liners.
· You can have shoes of different heights
· The bedroom is yours, the living and dining rooms are yours.. infact the whole house is yours
· If you said : "I love my mother" no one thinks it sissy
· If you said : "I love my father" no one thinks you have homosexual tendencies.
· When you cause driving accidents, no one beats you up.
· My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely…short term memory loss.
· I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 40 can fit into their stuff.
· We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
· We always get to choose the movie
· Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold
· PMS is a legal defense for murder
· 2 words- multi orgasmic…I wonder if any guy doesn’t know
· Sweat is sexy on us
· We have a higher tolerance to pain
· We don’t have excessive amounts of body hair …exceptions exist though
· We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return
· Women smell better
· Women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards - a good 'make out' fixes all
· When women are short, we're petite, when men are short, there are dwarf
· Last but not the least, just a simple yup..yup..yup is enough to drive a man crazy
By:-
Vikram S Bhatia
On popular request of some of my follower friends I thought of taking plunge on this ironically sensitive topic. Needless to say I have greatly admired the studies of John Gray's series Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus but I have a different perspective --- I think both are from planet earth the only way they could ideally be separated is by saying that Robots are from Mars and Dolls are from Venus (read : when the men are on their ulterior self and women on their beautiful self or vice versa)
People have behavioral patterns. Those patterns are unique for each of us. I agree that some patterns too intense and could be a reason to behave in a particular way but trust me most of human beings would behave in the same way, in a given situation irrespective of their gender. Men and women both get profoundly disturbed by rejection, disapproval, or feeling alone and abandoned. ‘Women are more caring’ -- does that mean that men aren't caring? That's offensive to me. Guys can have a need to share their feelings as much as women have an occasional need to hide in their cocoon. Although men and women value love equally and place the same emphasis and importance on finding and sustaining a close union, there is generally a difference in the way they relate to intimacy.
The intriguing clash between men and women is always present. Men continue to dance between the desire for autonomy and the desire for intimacy. Women continue to seek affirmations of intimacy. A woman's bonding zone, the position where she feels comfortable and fulfilled, is very close to 100% attached. Men alternate between a wish for attachment and a wish for separateness. They feel most comfortable and willing to bond in the middle; they want to be between separated and attached. When men reach a state of attachment, they experience anxieties about engulfment and weakness. Conversely, when they move too far in the direction of separateness, they begin to feel subtle but nagging fears about abandonment, isolation, and aloneness. "When you compare this with women's ideal zone for bonding, it becomes clear that there is a built-in clash between what women want and what men want."
"We may mistakenly believe that differences exist only during the early stages of love and that with sufficient caring, trust, and time we eventually will become one with our lover and will experience no more conflict." It won't happen. So the bad news is that "Love with a capital L" will not magically alter. However, "Love" doesn’t simply materialize. It gets its own contours by all life's experiences. So the good news is that if "Love" is learned, it can be changed. It is possible to understand the differences between men and women and then learn to deal with them. Men need recreation in order to relax. Women need loyalty in order to feel secure. Both need their own interests but they also need interests that overlap. They need playtime together. Both need their own space and privacy but they also need to come together and support each other. He needs a lot of recreational time together. She needs the support and loyalty that makes her feel secure.
When a woman usually goes her way while a man usually goes his way, the "ways" often part. When he does not support her, she may look for security elsewhere. When she doesn't act as a recreational companion, he may look for a playmate elsewhere.
But if books advocating the notion of gender differences are so not believable then why do they sell like hot pan cakes? "People like to hold on to their conventional thought process because they make life efficient. "If you can look at a man or woman and not have to understand them or decide anything about them, but instead just apply a kind of shorthand to them, then it makes life easier for you." I think it is less to do with gender and more to do with your personality. It's a great thing to realize that everyone doesn't think like you, but that it's not because they're a man or a woman, it's because they're human.
Understanding the opposite gender means understanding that gender differences, intimacy factor, attached and separate, gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. Both genders are important to nurture life in this universe and hence my reasoning in favor of both Robots and Dolls.
Why it is great to be a man!
· A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
· You can open all your own jars
· When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
· People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
· You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go
· Your last name stays put
· You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades
· You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
· If you're 34 and single, no one notices
· Chocolate is just another snack
· You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
· You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
· You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes
Why it is great to be a woman!
· A simple "smile" may add divine value to guy’s stupid one-liners.
· You can have shoes of different heights
· The bedroom is yours, the living and dining rooms are yours.. infact the whole house is yours
· If you said : "I love my mother" no one thinks it sissy
· If you said : "I love my father" no one thinks you have homosexual tendencies.
· When you cause driving accidents, no one beats you up.
· My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely…short term memory loss.
· I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 40 can fit into their stuff.
· We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
· We always get to choose the movie
· Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold
· PMS is a legal defense for murder
· 2 words- multi orgasmic…I wonder if any guy doesn’t know
· Sweat is sexy on us
· We have a higher tolerance to pain
· We don’t have excessive amounts of body hair …exceptions exist though
· We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return
· Women smell better
· Women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards - a good 'make out' fixes all
· When women are short, we're petite, when men are short, there are dwarf
· Last but not the least, just a simple yup..yup..yup is enough to drive a man crazy
By:-
Vikram S Bhatia
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Soul to Soulful
Too exhilarating for any guy is to find a girl who is too gorgeous (duh..default programming with guys ..you see... don't expect me to be any different). So here i was at a coffee shop expecting the unexpected..with no idea what the next moment has in store for me..was there to meet only a guy friend..on a cup of coffee and then I happen to meet this stunning beauty...though she was coming from a long journey and was tired... but still was gregarious …an amazing damsel who spoke like a sparkling diamond with those earthen looks and glow of a rising sun, coming out of a facade of intertwined aura of compassionate and eternal beauty expressing her soulful and passionate desire of togetherness and belonging…..crafting the never ending blogs of happiness and contentment. Her thoughts equally mesmerizing and way too stimulating to make you sink into quicksand of excitement making you go bonkers and get totally glued to this bronze look..but wait I slapped myself to senses….i am not going to be carried away …I need to understand her like a tiny tod taking first baby step …try to look into those brown limpid pools and think what they really expect.. she may already like somebody...i may have missed the bus...i am not the one for her...with a whole volley of thoughtful puzzle i decided to know her more.
Guess by this time you must be actually wondering what is so special about this girl...i mean you can always find a more gorgeous girl (atleast a dozen in fifteen men find other girl to be more beautiful than their own). Well since you insist to know, like this Sohni (read exceptional beauty) got inquisitive…I would first like to tell you about people in general, people are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within and I think the recipe for beauty is to have less illusion and more Soul, she was most soulful with immense eternal beauty to retreat from the belief of pain or pleasure in the body into the unchanging calm and spiritual harmony. A guy can die to have such a soulful and eternally gorgeous soulmate dressed out in all her finery.
By - Vikram Singh Bhatia
Guess by this time you must be actually wondering what is so special about this girl...i mean you can always find a more gorgeous girl (atleast a dozen in fifteen men find other girl to be more beautiful than their own). Well since you insist to know, like this Sohni (read exceptional beauty) got inquisitive…I would first like to tell you about people in general, people are like stained glass windows: they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within and I think the recipe for beauty is to have less illusion and more Soul, she was most soulful with immense eternal beauty to retreat from the belief of pain or pleasure in the body into the unchanging calm and spiritual harmony. A guy can die to have such a soulful and eternally gorgeous soulmate dressed out in all her finery.
By - Vikram Singh Bhatia
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